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‘Tis the Season: Strategies for coping with a therapist’s absence – Part I

This is the first part of a two part series. (It got a little long! 🙂 ) Life has settled down considerably but- of course- I am now working six day weeks because of a very demanding release going out the end of the summer. So I am re-engaging but would appreciate patience with my response times to comments and emails. But it’s really good to be back, I’ve missed everyone! Thank you all so much for you’re understanding and support while I have been away. Continue Reading

Away for a bit

Just wanted to let everyone know that another situation has arisen that will prevent me from being on the blog, or answering correspondence or comments. My apologies to everyone who has commented recently that I have been unable to respond. It will more than likely be several weeks. Thanks so much and take good care of yourselves. ~ AG

Categories: Uncategorized

Happy Mother’s Day

For those of my reader’s who are moms, I want to wish you a Happy Mother’s Day. Your commitment to healing and working through your issues are such a loving gift for your children.

For those of you who have mother’s for whom it is difficult to have the kind of sentiments expressed in Mother’s Day cards, I want to say I am sorry and that it’s ok you don’t feel that way. Not every mother is a paragon of love and devotion and while we can still love them (or not, I know under some circumstances that may not be possible), Mother’s Day brings its own pain and guilt. I pray you can find comfort from other people in your life who love and appreciate you and find peace about what your mom is like. Be gentle with yourselves. love, AG

Categories: Uncategorized

Wanted, not needed, to go

Greetings dear readers,
First I want to say thank you to all of you who commented and read my last post (Therapy isn’t enough Redux) and all the support you offered. There was a lot of very wise insight offered, along with a lot of love and compassion, that helped me get through a very difficult passage. It was through reading all of your comments that I was able to go through the process of understanding my feelings and what was going on and through your support that I found the strength.

I had actually talked on the phone with a good friend of mine who had gently asked how I was feeling about my previous session? She has known me a long time and witnessed my many creative attempts to flee from BN, right after I had allowed myself to move closer and the intimacy to grow deeper. She pointed out that I had felt very close to BN and deeply cared for and in that past, that usually scared me. Evidently that dynamic is still alive and kickin’ and predictable. 🙂 Continue Reading

The Timelessness of Attachment

March 19, 2014 18 comments

My husband and I went on a trip to Colonial Williamsburg last Fall. For those of you who have never heard of it, Colonial Williamsburg is a living history center. Williamsburg was the first capital of Virginia and was still the capital during the American Revolutionary War. Many of the buildings, including the Governor’s Palace, House of Burgesses, Armory, homes, churches and coffee shops have been restored and there are re-enacters in colonial costume at all the various buildings to teach you what life was like at the time. There are also re-enactments of major events leading up to and during the revolutionary war (we got to storm the Governor’s Palace which was pretty cool, I’ve always wanted to storm a palace!) and talks are given by famous people, such as George Washington, who even took questions from the audience (which was impressive, the man had an incredible grasp of both Washington’s life and the events of the revolutionary war.) I love revolutionary history (my humble apologies to my British readers. 😀 )and found this fascinating.

One display I found especially striking was in one of the museums. An early mental hospital had been established by a Dr. John M Galt, who was one of the early adopters and strong promoters of more humane treatment of mentally ill people. Conditions up until that time were pretty horrific, with many patients chained up and left in their own filth, treated worse than livestock in many cases. He was an early proponent of treating the mentally insane with respect and compassion.

Among the displays was the following letter written by a resident of the hospital:

Dear Brother,

It would have rendered me most agreeable pleasure to have been with you all these Christmas times, but Dr. John M. Galt, the gentleman under whose care and protection I am here placed, does not think my mind sufficiently cured for me to leave here yet so I will not say in this epistle when you will see me, probably never.

The Doctor is a gentleman whom the whole world ought to love and respect. To speak more concisely and emphatically, I do not think that I ought to desire a better or more worthy friend in this world. …Be not disposed to think me exaggerating, for I am writing the real truth, and am bold too, in having the gratification of writing thus. I’ll now bring this epistle to a close not knowing what else beneficial or amusing to write you.

Yours until death,

Excerpted from
The Galt Family Papers
Earl Gregg Swem Library
College of  William and Mary
Williamsburg, Virginia

Reading this was so powerful. The man who wrote this letter lived in such different times. The culture, the technology, the rhythms of life were vastly different from what I experience, yet the feelings he spoke of echoed across the years with a piercing familiarity. Someone had come alongside him, and given him compassion and acceptance and understanding and at a time when those things were exceedingly rare for someone with mental problems. And he reacted in a way which resonated deeply with me: he saw Dr. Galt as an amazing human being, one deserving of love and respect. He was grateful to speak of his esteem of this man as he saw him as so deserving.

While human cultures, mores, beliefs and customs change, human beings do not. There is a reason we can look at, and be moved, by a piece of art conceived and executed thousands of years ago. Human beings have always, and probably always will, struggle to understand ourselves and our purpose, to make sense of our experiences and distill meaning out of our lives. And one of the most important ways that we do this is to connect with other human beings. We can only know ourselves in relationship, by being clearly reflected by another person. So it is these connections, these attachments, that evoke our most powerful feelings.

So across the years, I found a kindred spirit. He wrote letters home to speak of his love and esteem and I write letters to a world-wide community to speak of mine. But the deep feelings of gratitude and respect are the same and spring from the same source. The next time you are wondering why your therapist is evoking such strong feelings, I hope you remember this post and that these feelings come from deep within and are integral to our humanity. Perhaps one of the privileges of needing to heal is to be conscious of our deep attachments and how they have shaped us. Know you are not alone in how you react, in this or any other time where humans have reached out to each other for meaning.

One Handed

January 24, 2014 11 comments

Greetings Gentle Readers,

Just wanted everyone to know that I will be a bit sidelined for the next few weeks. I am having a surgical procedure today on my right wrist for carpal tunnel. The procedure is done endoscopically using only a 1/4 inch incision and takes only about seven minutes. The surgeon told me that it actually takes longer to sterilize my hand then to do the actual cutting. 🙂 I’ve been experiencing numbness in my hands for about  a year now and despite doing exercises and wearing braces, it has not improved. Unlike my typing skills, which have gone seriously down hill, which is a bit problematic, since I write for a living! I will not be able to type with this hand for about 3 weeks. We are also going on vacation the first two weeks of February, during most of which I will have no internet access. Just didn’t want anyone worrying.

Things are continuing to improve in terms of the personal problems I have been dealing with and I am working on a new post about the work I have been doing around shame in therapy. Bit of a slog though, I am very much struggling to articulate what I have learned, it’s still all a bit new. My very kind boss bought me a copy of Dragon software so I can control my computer using voice commands and it included a license for my home system. So I may take it out for a spin and try to finish the post. OK, after the anesthesia wears off! See you all soon!

Categories: Uncategorized, updates

Peeking out of the Cave

December 5, 2013 14 comments

Greetings Gentle Readers,

I have missed you all. This break has stretched longer than I anticipated. The situation that precipitated my hiatus is ongoing, but things are much more stable. Of course right about the time things got more stable, we hit the holidays. 😀 My husband is working a lot of overtime right now and some things are changing at my company that may require longer hours of me as well. I also have surgery for my carpal tunnel planned in January. So I am going to dip my toe back in here by sharing a few poems I found very moving. The first is an angry, passionate poem about rape which I found both very moving and very validating. The second link is Anis Mogjani’s Ted Talk, where he performs a number of his poems, all of which are both thought-provoking and life-affirming; I hope you enjoy them as much as I did.

Due to the schedule complications mentioned above, I am not sure how regularly I will return to posting and would appreciate your continued patience with my response times (or lack thereof 🙂 ),  but I at least wanted to poke my head out of my cave and make it clear I was still here!

Man on the Bus

Poetry Collections: Anis Mojgani at TEDxAtlanta

Hiatus

October 13, 2013 49 comments

Greetings all,

I am currently facing a difficult family situation while also facing a looming deadline at work, so I will be absent for a bit. I’m not sure how long but hope it’s not longer than a few weeks. I will not be answering emails on my blog address for a bit also, so if you have written or decide to, I would very much appreciate your patience in getting a response. I need to focus my time and energy other places right now and hope everyone can understand. Take good care of yourselves and I’ll see you soon.

Categories: Uncategorized, updates

I’m two years old!!

October 5, 2013 27 comments

Well, ok I’m not two years old, but Tales of a Boundary Ninja is (and don’t think I can’t hear you saying “but sometimes you act like a two year old.” :)) As you can see below, I’m getting a little more traffic then when I stared the blog. I have 153  blog followers at last count, all of whom I am very grateful for.  (153 looks really impressive until you look at Crazy as a Coconut, What a Shrink Thinks, or Therapy Tales. So I try not to look too often. Content yes, follower count, no! :)). Actually, I am grateful to everyone who has come by to read what I have to say. I still find it a bit shocking that people want to read what I write (being a technical writer I am used to people NOT wanting to read what I write. :D). I am especially thankful for those of you comment. This community has been so welcoming and supportive.  I deeply value our relationships and the support and insight you all provide. If you read regularly, but don’t comment, I would love to have you introduce yourself, if it feels safe and have a chance to get to know you. But either way, I am delighted that you spend some of your time with me.

Writing this blog has been an incredible experience and very fulfilling. I have so appreciated the encouragement I have received both in the comments and through email. You all help me to wrest meaning and purpose out of the abuse, and turn to good the evil that was done to me. It is a precious gift and one I cherish.

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Reliving the Shame

September 24, 2013 38 comments

I just had a deep insight into shame (which I suspect is going to sound D’oh when I say it) that I want to write down before I forget. I have been doing some rather intense work in therapy lately, which I will eventually talk about when I can find words. It has centered around my feelings about my body, my hatred of my body, the deep shame that I try to make about my body but which is actually about me, all of me (ironically enough since part of the work is accepting that my body IS part of me). Continue Reading