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Correspondence


Greetings Gentle Readers,

I am struggling with a difficult issue, which is my ability to keep up with and respond to both comments left on the blog and to emails sent to me at my blog email address. I am deeply grateful to everyone who takes the time to write a comment or an email. The community here has been very supportive and very helpful in my journey and both comments and emails have often been very encouraging. One point I want to be crystal clear about, which is that no one has done anything at all wrong in contacting me. I have made my email address available which was most certainly my choice.

But the truth is, the blog has been much more successful than I ever expected and the volume of both comments and emails has been slowly but steadily climbing.  I am working hard to maintain good boundaries around my self-care and only devote such time as I have available, but I am finding that amount of time to be more and more inadequate as time goes by.  And frankly, I can feel a lot of guilt about not replying in a timely manner while also feeling a bit drained by a constant sense of pressure. I feel always behind. (First world problem! Again, I very much appreciate the feedback and the success of the blog has been VERY gratifying!)

I am also working on several projects, including working on a book, but am finding all of my writing time being consumed by answering comments and emails. (This has not been helped by the fact that while my husband’s retirement has lifted much of the burden of the housework from me, he is also up later in the evenings and I am still working on finding a consistent time to write.) So, I am feeling like I can either write on my blog and work on a book OR keep up with answering my readers.

In mulling this over, I realized that the solution, as it so often is, is vulnerability and honesty. I am admitting defeat and that I am human and cannot continue to keep up. So I am going to quit trying to. I still welcome all of your comments and emails; I promise I do read everything I get, but I cannot promise to reply to every communication. Please do not take it personally, this is not due to any one person nor do I wish to give the impression that a reply somehow depends on the importance of a subject or the worth of the person writing. My ability to answer is based on a fairly complicated algorithm of whether I have the time and energy available and whether inspiration strikes.

One thing I would like to encourage is for people who comment to feel free to interact. I have a lot of insightful, mature, intelligent readers whom I am sure can offer really good feedback to people looking for help. If you see a comment and feel moved to reply, please feel free. I would really enjoy more interaction between the people who read here.

Thanks in advance for your understanding. This has been a hard place to come to, but I think it’s needed so I don’t just disappear to escape the (admittedly self-generated) pressure.

 

 

  1. kelly
    February 4, 2016 at 6:23 pm

    You are human, and im so very pleased you are looking to put your needs first, its been a long,hard journey one I’m still embarking on, I may falter from time to time and in the past have found understanding and even hope in the words written within your blog. You have brought insight to others struggles including my own.

    Is it sad that your pulling back, yes, but completely understandable, and maybe your blog has served its purpose, after all its brought many people together to share experiences, a place to be honest, open somewhere to search for answers and guidance. I found your blog during dark times and often venture back here – not all of us are lucky enough to have BN!

    Thank you for all your writings, your insights, your openness and guidance, I wish you the very best.

    Like

    • February 5, 2016 at 10:16 am

      Kelly,
      Thank you for your understanding and support. I am definitely planning on continuing to blog, part of my reasons for doing this is to allow more time for writing. I really just wanted to put this out there so when I don’t respond, people aren’t getting upset or feeling neglected. 🙂

      Like

      • Kelly
        February 7, 2016 at 2:46 am

        Makes perfect sense, I know the hurt rejected feelings very well (particularly when you ask for help) and can still find them quite damaging as among others they reinforce experiences as a child!

        Good luck with the book, would love to give it a read so be sure to post details here! After all, your words have resonated with me on many occasion. Take good care of yourself

        Like

  2. Enid Breis
    February 4, 2016 at 6:55 pm

    I completely understand and am very excited about your book. Would love to know more about it, but then again, NO PRESSURE!!! I am a retired advertising writer and know the stresses of time. Like all of your devoted followers, I am indebted to you for your courage, honesty, intelligence, and wisdom over the years. You are very precious to me.

    Like

  3. February 4, 2016 at 10:52 pm

    Setting good boundaries for yourself is pretty ninja-like 😊

    Like

  4. February 6, 2016 at 4:32 am

    I wanted to add my support for you taking care of you. I love and value your posts — and your determination to meet your own needs. It encourages all the rest of us to do the same. I look forward to that book! It might help to know, I don’t answer most of the comments on my own blog, despite encouragement from advisors to do so. I made that decision in order to manage my own energy (which is a constant, daily juggling act for me!) We can all of us only do what we can do. If we don’t take care of ourselves, we collapse. So here’s wishing you joy on the road to wherever your efforts are taking you today! Suzanne Zeedyk

    Like

  5. muff
    February 6, 2016 at 12:54 pm

    The day had to come 🙂
    I wanna signed copy and
    have fun writing AG

    xxxx

    Like

  6. Sara D
    February 7, 2016 at 2:13 am

    Thanks for letting us know what is happening. I am new to the blog, discovered it 2 weeks ago and was afraid, I discovered it when it’s all over, as I am deep in my journey and have drawn a lot of support and insight from your writing…I don’t know you but feel close just from having learnt so much from you!!!
    Wishing you a lot of success with your book, I’m sure the world will gain a lot from your insights. I am so inspired from all you did in your life, you’re a living example of how a person can take his life and turn it over with a lot of work and become a much more complete person than if he hadn’t gone through his trials and tribulations…

    take care AG!!

    Like

  7. drgeraldstein
    February 7, 2016 at 3:43 pm

    No problem. You raise an important distinction, between doing something and being done by it. Surely the right choice is for you to be in charge, not the blog. Brava!

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Mallard
    February 9, 2016 at 10:34 am

    Hi AG,

    Your readers have benefited so much from your insight these last few years. It makes sense that faced with the choice of avoidance (oh how I know that feeling!) or readjusting your relationship with the blog and its readers – then the latter choice is definitely to everyone’s mutual benefit.

    You’re also demonstrating something very important for everyone here, that making space for your own needs is a vital act of self care, one that no one should feel shame about. Those of us with attachment-related issues don’t always come to it easily!

    Liked by 1 person

  9. zaracat
    February 10, 2016 at 2:40 am

    The fact that you reply to your comments is exceptional, and I don’t think I’d be alone in saying that it is a gift to your readers and not something we expect of you. Of course, I’d love you to keep writing your blog. Given that many of your readers also have attachment issues, the irony of feeling a loss when you take a break from writing is not lost on me. 🙂

    Like

  10. Beaglemum/Morgs
    February 13, 2016 at 11:06 pm

    I guess it had to come! Continue to take good care of yourself AG – I hope you achieve all of your goals and happiness always. It’s been a pleasure knowing you.

    Like

  11. XOXO
    February 19, 2016 at 1:23 pm

    AG, hope and pray you know how much you mean to all of us who have read and interacted here with you. You have been such a blessing to me. I know you will continue to positively impact whomever crosses your path. Thank you for everything!!!!! Really!!!!!

    Like

  12. communication girl
    March 10, 2016 at 1:28 am

    I love how brave you are with vulnerability. Your honesty with yourself shows great self care. Thank you for reminding me how important it is to listen to our personal needs. Your journey of healing continues to inspire me with my own work in therapy.

    Like

  13. prism707
    March 28, 2016 at 11:21 am

    As a new reader of your site, I wanted to say that I fully respect your honesty and openness around your limits. I’ve only read a little bit here so far, but am really glad someone directed me here because there is so much that speaks to my needs right now. Thanks for creating this space. I’ve bookmarked it for those moments when I need gentle calming reading to soothe my soul.

    Liked by 1 person

  14. FLOW
    March 30, 2016 at 7:46 am

    Hi There,
    I relied on your blog heavily for supper last spring. I myself had to take s break as it was all so overwhelmingly painful. I had similar issues, of course, why else would most of us be here.
    I took several months to start working on myself from ground up…
    Got a new therapist that I was not in love with. For me that was the best thing I ever did.
    So in any event please know I’m ready now to read through your old posts again, as I’ve learned so much. I’ve read so many of the books your recommended.
    Just know you are a kick ass writer.
    And you were the impetus to get me to face up to my issues.
    I have grown so so much.

    Like

  15. Ann
    September 30, 2016 at 1:09 pm

    Hey! Just wanted to say hi and hope you are finding more time for working on your own health! You are not forgotten and are often in my thoughts! Enjoy this time with your husband! Let us know if you do end up publishing. I want an autographed copy!😉😉😉 all my love, Ann

    Like

  16. Enid Breis
    September 30, 2016 at 1:25 pm

    I encourage you to write that book. I also want a signed copy. You have done so much good for the community struggling with all kinds of deeply important and often soul crushing issues. You are my personal heroine. I know I tend to idealized but I believe you are a true gem.

    Like

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