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Posts Tagged ‘blogging’

Retirement of a Therapist – Part II

March 20, 2015 20 comments

This is the second in a two-part series. For part I, see Retirement of a Therapist – Part I

When we left off, I had brought you to the point of finding out my therapist was retiring, my mixed reactions and my struggle to recognize that this was a major life event. I remember vividly at beginning of our next couples’ session, I very casually (VERY CASUALLY, who me? affected?) told BN that my therapist was retiring. He reacted very strongly and with a lot of concern, much the way someone would if you told them someone close to you was dying. I felt so pulled towards his reaction (maybe this was a major thing?) while simultaneously wanting to back away (don’t make me face how painful this is). Ambivalence about the loss and its magnitude was pretty much a constant throughout the process. To BN’s credit, he tried on a number of occasions to try to get me to open up about my feelings and I would minimize my feelings and change the subject. I’d NEVER get away with it now, but we didn’t know each other as well then. I think BN was still learning how hard he could push me at any given time and while I felt drawn to him, trust was still a distant gleam over the horizon. Continue Reading

(Belated) Happy New Year!

January 2, 2015 15 comments

Greetings Gentle Readers,

I want to wish everyone a Happy New Year and hope that the coming year is filled with peace, healing and self-discovery! I am presently on vacation and will have no internet access from January 4th – January 14th. I wanted to post a quick update. My husband is doing really well, the ablation seems to have really helped regulate his heart. We literally went to his cardiologist on the way out of town, who cleared him to go on vacation. I am very grateful that he is out of danger. Continue Reading

The Timelessness of Attachment

March 19, 2014 18 comments

My husband and I went on a trip to Colonial Williamsburg last Fall. For those of you who have never heard of it, Colonial Williamsburg is a living history center. Williamsburg was the first capital of Virginia and was still the capital during the American Revolutionary War. Many of the buildings, including the Governor’s Palace, House of Burgesses, Armory, homes, churches and coffee shops have been restored and there are re-enacters in colonial costume at all the various buildings to teach you what life was like at the time. There are also re-enactments of major events leading up to and during the revolutionary war (we got to storm the Governor’s Palace which was pretty cool, I’ve always wanted to storm a palace!) and talks are given by famous people, such as George Washington, who even took questions from the audience (which was impressive, the man had an incredible grasp of both Washington’s life and the events of the revolutionary war.) I love revolutionary history (my humble apologies to my British readers. 😀 )and found this fascinating.

One display I found especially striking was in one of the museums. An early mental hospital had been established by a Dr. John M Galt, who was one of the early adopters and strong promoters of more humane treatment of mentally ill people. Conditions up until that time were pretty horrific, with many patients chained up and left in their own filth, treated worse than livestock in many cases. He was an early proponent of treating the mentally insane with respect and compassion.

Among the displays was the following letter written by a resident of the hospital:

Dear Brother,

It would have rendered me most agreeable pleasure to have been with you all these Christmas times, but Dr. John M. Galt, the gentleman under whose care and protection I am here placed, does not think my mind sufficiently cured for me to leave here yet so I will not say in this epistle when you will see me, probably never.

The Doctor is a gentleman whom the whole world ought to love and respect. To speak more concisely and emphatically, I do not think that I ought to desire a better or more worthy friend in this world. …Be not disposed to think me exaggerating, for I am writing the real truth, and am bold too, in having the gratification of writing thus. I’ll now bring this epistle to a close not knowing what else beneficial or amusing to write you.

Yours until death,

Excerpted from
The Galt Family Papers
Earl Gregg Swem Library
College of  William and Mary
Williamsburg, Virginia

Reading this was so powerful. The man who wrote this letter lived in such different times. The culture, the technology, the rhythms of life were vastly different from what I experience, yet the feelings he spoke of echoed across the years with a piercing familiarity. Someone had come alongside him, and given him compassion and acceptance and understanding and at a time when those things were exceedingly rare for someone with mental problems. And he reacted in a way which resonated deeply with me: he saw Dr. Galt as an amazing human being, one deserving of love and respect. He was grateful to speak of his esteem of this man as he saw him as so deserving.

While human cultures, mores, beliefs and customs change, human beings do not. There is a reason we can look at, and be moved, by a piece of art conceived and executed thousands of years ago. Human beings have always, and probably always will, struggle to understand ourselves and our purpose, to make sense of our experiences and distill meaning out of our lives. And one of the most important ways that we do this is to connect with other human beings. We can only know ourselves in relationship, by being clearly reflected by another person. So it is these connections, these attachments, that evoke our most powerful feelings.

So across the years, I found a kindred spirit. He wrote letters home to speak of his love and esteem and I write letters to a world-wide community to speak of mine. But the deep feelings of gratitude and respect are the same and spring from the same source. The next time you are wondering why your therapist is evoking such strong feelings, I hope you remember this post and that these feelings come from deep within and are integral to our humanity. Perhaps one of the privileges of needing to heal is to be conscious of our deep attachments and how they have shaped us. Know you are not alone in how you react, in this or any other time where humans have reached out to each other for meaning.

I’m two years old!!

October 5, 2013 27 comments

Well, ok I’m not two years old, but Tales of a Boundary Ninja is (and don’t think I can’t hear you saying “but sometimes you act like a two year old.” :)) As you can see below, I’m getting a little more traffic then when I stared the blog. I have 153  blog followers at last count, all of whom I am very grateful for.  (153 looks really impressive until you look at Crazy as a Coconut, What a Shrink Thinks, or Therapy Tales. So I try not to look too often. Content yes, follower count, no! :)). Actually, I am grateful to everyone who has come by to read what I have to say. I still find it a bit shocking that people want to read what I write (being a technical writer I am used to people NOT wanting to read what I write. :D). I am especially thankful for those of you comment. This community has been so welcoming and supportive.  I deeply value our relationships and the support and insight you all provide. If you read regularly, but don’t comment, I would love to have you introduce yourself, if it feels safe and have a chance to get to know you. But either way, I am delighted that you spend some of your time with me.

Writing this blog has been an incredible experience and very fulfilling. I have so appreciated the encouragement I have received both in the comments and through email. You all help me to wrest meaning and purpose out of the abuse, and turn to good the evil that was done to me. It is a precious gift and one I cherish.

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