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Encouragement for Those Who Are Weary
Greetings gentle readers,
I ran across an old song I haven’t heard in years that I wanted to share. I loved the song when it first came out in 1979 (for those of you born after that year, there is no need to point out how long ago that was, I was a senior in high school. Trust me, I know how long ago that was. 😀 ) but it speaks even more strongly to me today. It has been such a struggle to learn about how to handle the inevitable pain of life, in some other way than futilely attempting to avoid it. One of the best lessons taught to me by BN is that while pain is inevitable, the answer to pain is love. (See The relationship of love and pain and Love is the Answer for more detailed explanations of that truth). The love we find by connecting to other people, by sharing our burdens, by holding each other up. That is where we find the strength to face life challenges. Continue Reading
Book Review: How We Heal and Grow
I have been following Dr. Jeffery Smith’s blog, Moments of Change for some time now and was very honored when he asked to send me a pre-publication copy of his new book, How We Heal and Grow: The Power of Facing Your Feelings for review. I have long been a fan of his lucid, clear writing and his gift for so clearly explaining the often mysterious and elusive interplay of therapy. This book has proved to be no exception to that rule.
If you read only one book about healing this year, or even this decade, let it be How We Heal and Grow. The book is well written and easy to read, with clear prose and carefully delineated arguments. Continue Reading
Words of Wisdom
Words of wisdom are sometimes found in the oddest of places. A handwritten sticker on a trash can in Key West, FL:
Having a lovely ( albeit one-handed! ) vacation! Looking forward to “seeing” everyone soon. 🙂
Instructions for a Bad Day
Having a bad day? Watch this. Come to think of it, watch it even if you’re not having a bad day. So much truth in it that we all need to work to hang on to; I know I had to work very hard to learn a lot of this and a reminder is always, always good. I hope this speaks to you, and you can take in these truths. The second link is a video that displays the words.
Instructions For A Bad Day – Shane Koyczan Poem – Lyrics On Screen
In Conflict
Martha Crawford, of What a Shrink Thinks, hits another one out of the park (and once again engenders deep envy in me for her writing abilities and insight)! If you have ever struggled with anger (and who among us hasn’t? 🙂 ), read this article. I am incredibly grateful that this is the attitude that I have seen BN take about anger. I am amazed at how he invites me to express it and how welcoming he is (and excited! Therapists are weird!) when I manage to. Anger has always been a difficult emotion for me, full of fear, since I saw it almost always modeled simultaneously with violence. It has taken years, a lot of difficult work, and two patient therapists for me to see the creative, positive side of anger that Martha describes so beautifully here.
Why are you still reading this? Go read the article! 😀
Everyone Has Closets
I just finished watching Ash Beckham’s talk at TEDx and had to share it. I thought this was a wonderful, impassioned plea to treat both ourselves and others with compassion and empathy. I really appreciated how open and honest she was about all of her feelings and thoughts, and in a very self-deprecating manner. Even if you think this isn’t your cup of tea, please trust me and take a sip. You will not regret the time you spend.
A 4-Year-Old Girl Asked A Lesbian If She’s A Boy. She Responded The Awesomest Way Possible.
I’m two years old!!
Well, ok I’m not two years old, but Tales of a Boundary Ninja is (and don’t think I can’t hear you saying “but sometimes you act like a two year old.” :)) As you can see below, I’m getting a little more traffic then when I stared the blog. I have 153 blog followers at last count, all of whom I am very grateful for. (153 looks really impressive until you look at Crazy as a Coconut, What a Shrink Thinks, or Therapy Tales. So I try not to look too often. Content yes, follower count, no! :)). Actually, I am grateful to everyone who has come by to read what I have to say. I still find it a bit shocking that people want to read what I write (being a technical writer I am used to people NOT wanting to read what I write. :D). I am especially thankful for those of you comment. This community has been so welcoming and supportive. I deeply value our relationships and the support and insight you all provide. If you read regularly, but don’t comment, I would love to have you introduce yourself, if it feels safe and have a chance to get to know you. But either way, I am delighted that you spend some of your time with me.
Writing this blog has been an incredible experience and very fulfilling. I have so appreciated the encouragement I have received both in the comments and through email. You all help me to wrest meaning and purpose out of the abuse, and turn to good the evil that was done to me. It is a precious gift and one I cherish.
Why keep going back?
***Trigger warning: Religious content, I talk about my Christian faith in pretty specific terms late in the post.
A reader emailed to ask me a question whose answer I thought would make a good topic for a post. So with their kind permission, the question is below, followed by my answer.
I would like to ask how you got through it. I mean when the feelings became so intense with your therapist, how were you able to keep going back? What stopped you leaving?
This is a really good question. There were so many times I threatened to quit, or told BN I wanted to quit. I lost track of how many times I said (often out loud) “I cannot do this anymore, I can’t take it.” Sometimes on the way to therapy. I wish there were a simple answer to this question, but it was, as usual, a complex interplay of a number of factors. Experience, fear, attraction, desire, longing, faith, hope, determination and belief. One at a time, all at once, or some subset were what kept me going. Continue Reading
Silence
I’m doing a shift on the crisis line tonight and someone put up a wonderful quote from Rachel Naomi Remen on the wall. It’s about the power of silence and it’s so good (and true) that I wanted to pass it on. If you have never read anything by Rachel Naomi Remen, may I recommend that you stop whatever you’re doing and buy one of her books? I read her book Kitchen Table Wisdom a few years back and it was incredibly powerful and moving and led to one major breakthrough (I was a business card that wanted to be a marshmallow. See, now you have to read the book to figure out what in the world I’m talking about. ;)). I read it on BN’s recommendation and then brought it to session with 15 different yellow stickies in it. She understands the power of human stories, but the even more powerful effect of having ours heard and understood. Continue Reading
What I missed
Since I’ve been on the topic of how we work through our grief for that which we did not have, I thought I would share some particulars losses I ran into and what was underneath them. As I’ve worked my way through therapy and uncovered the feelings I had buried so long, I also uncovered losses I had not been able to admit, let alone grieve. This is a very personal list. I expect that some of this will resonate with other people and some of it will be not true for them or seem like a significant loss. These are mine, what I needed to mourn, and I again offer the disclaimer that not everyone will need to do this the way I did. But I am hoping by being more specific about some of the issues I faced, that the process might be more understandable, even if my reasons to mourn do not resonate with you. Continue Reading
Tales of a Boundary Ninja 
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