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Archive for February, 2015

Holy Water by Big and Rich

February 22, 2015 4 comments

I was listening to an OLD playlist on Itunes that I haven’t listened to in quite some time, and a song I had forgotten about popped up. It’s an incredibly powerful and moving song about healing from sexual abuse and rape, one that meant a great deal to me when I was in a very dark passage in my healing. It helped me remember that there is power,  light and love that is untouched by evil, that will always outshine the darkest of deeds. I needed to be reminded of that my last session, so honestly, I don’t think it’s an accident I ran across this song again right now. I thought I would share it in case it resonated with anyone else. I hope it speaks to you if it’s something you need to hear.

Quick Update

February 19, 2015 18 comments

Hi All,
He’s doing very well, but my husband went into Afib this morning and ended up having a cardio revert done in the emergency room. Looks like he’s coming home, but for obvious reasons it will take a day or two to catch up on comments!

Ann and Judy, thanks for responding to Saba!

Update on the Update: Mr. AG (I loved that ancoraimparomyself so I am shamelessly stealing it! I have proudly carried his name all these years, so I’m sure he’d be glad to return the favor. 😀 ) is home and doing very well. His heart stayed in sinus rhythm and after keeping him a few more hours to make sure everything was stable, he was released from the emergency room and sent home. He’s getting better at catching when it’s going on, which is really helpful because he’s getting medical attention sooner, which makes the treatment a little less invasive. I am still disappointed that the medical professionals will not actually allow me to use the paddles and shock him though. 😀 (You know I joke, I am very happy to have him home safe and sound!) Now we’re sitting in the middle of five feet of snow with more coming down and it’s a balmy 0 degrees fahrenheit (-18 Celcius). And this is what my back deck looks like:

back_deck_2_20_15.jpg

Not having to go through this back and forth to the hospital is a blessing! Thank you all for your prayers, thoughts and support!

Categories: Uncategorized

A Re-enactment or How Transference is a B**** Part II

February 18, 2015 21 comments

This is the second part of a two part series, part one can be found here.

So I showed for the next session, prepared to tackle the topic again. After telling him quite emphatically that I did not want him to answer me, I told him how the question of whether he found me attractive can press on me. I shared some things that came out of my discussion on the forum, which is that I am struggling to accept my body and my sexuality, so I think I crave affirmation from him, because if he can accept my body and even find me attractive, then I somehow become acceptable. Which isn’t remotely true, although it can feel very powerful. It is my own acceptance that is important. Besides, I wouldn’t believe him anyway until I come to terms. I then expressed that I also thought that part of the dynamic was that a father is ideally supposed to affirm his daughter’s attractiveness while keeping her safe by in no way acting on it. Basically, I’m looking at BN and asking “Daddy, am I pretty?” But the truth is, I got neither of those things from my father. Neither affirmation or safety. Continue Reading

A Re-enactment or How Transference is a B**** Part I

February 17, 2015 31 comments

Greetings gentle readers,
I’m back from vacation, which was quite refreshing. I have not been blogging for several reasons: work was a bit busy (I am the technical documentation department so nothing gets done while I’m gone), I was catching up on my correspondence (which, alas, is still not complete) and my return to therapy was a bit rough. Note: I started writing this about two weeks back then got hit by an ubervirus that morphed into bronchitis and kicked off my asthma. I am now on enough steroids to lift a building after the second visit to my doctor and slowly trying to recover a normal energy level. And we have about four feet of snow and -1 degree weather. I am NOT a big fan of February. Continue Reading