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Archive for the ‘Emotional regulation’ Category

What’s a therapist to do?

June 27, 2013 35 comments

Alex asked the question below over on the Ask AG page and I am going to offer my take on it.

I am wondering if you have any insight on a psychotherapist’s role when a patient is demonstrating persistent, self-destructive behaviors? I’m referring to damaging, non-suicidal behaviors that artificially regulate emotions– such as self-injury, eating disordered behaviors (restricting, purging, etc.), reckless impulsivity, or drug/alcohol abuse (though this last one might be slightly different, I guess, since it compromises your mental capacity more extremely).

This is a really excellent question and in some ways goes to the heart of what therapy is about. I do want to be upfront though in that I am still working through my own behaviors with food so I approach this topic with fear and trembling. I would recommend approaching this post with some skepticism, dear readers, as I may be speaking out of the wrong orifice. 🙂 Continue Reading

Categories: acceptance, ambivalance, anger, avoidance, boundaries, dependence, Emotional regulation, feelings, healing, hope, interdependence, pain Tags: , , , , , ,

Peeking out

June 12, 2013 52 comments

Hi All,

I’m attempting to come back out and play, but its a bit harder (and more complicated) than I thought it would be. Of course, when isn’t it? 🙂

First, I want to say thank you so much to everyone who left such supportive comments. Your care and interest was the difference between me just bolting and coming back. I’ll be responding to comments over the next few days.

I am feeling much more rested and not nearly as fragile, but am struggling with just a boatload of shame. I continue to be affected by a number of events, including being cut off from my mother, and the online mess (although both of those are mild at this point) and other family stuff (about which I am being vague to protect other people’s privacy). But I have also been working in therapy on looking at my eating/body issues, which have tripped off a lot of realizations about beliefs about myself and my worth. Continue Reading

Categories: acceptance, ambivalance, childhood sexual abuse (CSA), disassociation, disorganized attachment, Emotional regulation, feelings, hate, healing, love, needs, pain, perserverence, self-worth, shame, trauma

Depleted

May 27, 2013 47 comments

Hi All,
I am seriously behind in both my correspondence and in posting replies to questions from the Ask AG page. We just returned from a four-day trip to see my older daughter’s graduation (which was the 3rd 10 hour round trip I have made in 18 days). The graduation was wonderful but quite busy. The trip was also complicated in that my husband accidentally sideswiped a bike messenger in Manhattan the day we arrived. We immediately stopped and got out to assist him and he was, thank heaven, fine aside from a limp. We called 911 and they sent an ambulance. The police officer who took our report was very calm and assuring but as you can imagine it was pretty stressful, not to mention we now have a huge pile of paperwork and insurance hassle ahead of us. Continue Reading

Categories: abandonment, ambivalance, boundaries, disassociation, Emotional regulation, needs, pain, shame, transference

Medication

May 14, 2013 25 comments

jwd50 asked over on the Ask AG page why I had never spoken about medications. And I realized its mainly because I have been stable on my medication for a long time such that I don’t really give it a lot of thought.  But I know it can be an issue that a lot of people struggle with, so I thought I would share my experiences.

DISCLAIMER: I want to be very clear here that I am neither a professional therapist nor am I a medical doctor. What I am writing is based on my own experiences and reading, is anecdotal in nature and should not be taken as medical advice. Medications, their benefits and risks, should be discussed with a medical professional. People can also have widely varying reactions to this class of drugs, so I will not be mentioning the name of either medication I have used. Continue Reading

Categories: acceptance, ambivalance, Emotional regulation, medications Tags:

Silence

February 7, 2013 10 comments

I’m doing a shift on the crisis line tonight and someone put up a wonderful quote from Rachel Naomi Remen on the wall. It’s about the power of silence and it’s so good (and true) that I wanted to pass it on. If you have never read anything by Rachel Naomi Remen, may I recommend that you stop whatever you’re doing and buy one of her books? I read her book Kitchen Table Wisdom a few years back and it was incredibly powerful and moving and led to one major breakthrough (I was a business card that wanted to be a marshmallow. See, now you have to read the book to figure out what in the world I’m talking about. ;)). I read it on BN’s recommendation and then brought it to session with 15 different yellow stickies in it. She understands the power of human stories, but the even more powerful effect of having ours heard and understood. Continue Reading

Categories: books, Emotional regulation, encouragement, limbic resonance Tags: ,

Is a body REALLY necessary?

December 13, 2012 28 comments

I had a difficult session with BN yesterday and left not feeling too great. Through no fault of his, or mine for that matter, I realize when I can manage some objectivity, just the subject matter that came up. I’m writing about it here to try and sort through some of what happened and what it is I am feeling and fearing.

If you have been reading my recent posts, you know I have been dealing with a lot of medical issues as of late. Continue Reading>

Categories: Emotional regulation, feelings, self-worth, shame Tags: , , ,

Memorable Quotes

October 3, 2012 16 comments

Had another very intense session with BN today who remains, thank heaven, completely unflappable. I’m starting to feel this insane impulse to just keep stepping up my behavior to find the breaking point; then I realize, I just don’t know where I would go. 🙂 Life just keeps throwing curve balls recently, and I guess I can take some comfort in the fact that I seem to react consistently, with shame. I joke, but I have been very triggered as of late, so that many feelings from when I am young have surfaced. I have recently experienced some difficulties that when viewed through an adult lens, I can clearly see are not my fault and even have nothing to do with me. I’m just in the wrong place at the wrong time. Continue Reading

Categories: acceptance, Boundary Ninja, earned attachment, Emotional regulation, encouragement, hope, love, safety, termination Tags: , , , ,

Sitting

September 30, 2012 13 comments

Greetings Gentle Readers,

I know I have been quiet as of late. News of both my brother’s death and my aunt’s revelations have knocked me off-balance and sent me back into my past in a way that has not happened for a long time. My work schedule has been quite busy, as well as my husband’s, so on top of the emotional stress, there has just not been a lot of free time, but I saw BN Thursday morning and wanted to post an update. I’ve been working on this post for so long that the last sentence originally said “I saw BN this morning.” I am somehow….gagged. As if attempting to voice what I feel inside is so impossible, that words fail and I simply turn away, again and again. So I am going to just finish this post and put it up no matter how it sounds to me, just so that I might speak. So if I sound strange or somehow not like myself, that is probably what you are hearing. Continue Reading

Categories: abandonment, ambivalance, boundaries, Boundary Ninja, childhood sexual abuse (CSA), commitment, dependence, disorganized attachment, earned attachment, Emotional regulation, feelings, healing, hope, limbic resonance, love, needs, pain, perserverence, power, safety, shame, transference, trauma Tags: , , , ,

Evidently I’m Human

September 5, 2012 15 comments

Just a quick update so as not to leave anyone in suspense. I saw the Boundary Ninja yesterday and it helped immensely, although I am now aware that I am grieving. So much for numbness.  I walked in and pretty much exploded all over his office and covered the emotional spectrum: love, hate, pity, grief, compassion, anger, sadness, hurt. You name it, I think I felt it. As it was with my father, losing male members of my family seems to be the perfect definition of ambivalence. From the way I exploded once I knew I was with BN (I started sobbing at the beginning and couldn’t manage to talk for at least several minutes) I think I needed to really feel safe, the kind of safe I really only feel in BN’s office in order to allow myself to feel. Continue Reading

Categories: acceptance, Boundary Ninja, childhood sexual abuse (CSA), disassociation, Emotional regulation, feelings, hope, love, shame

Rest in Peace

September 3, 2012 18 comments

I found out today that my brother died. At the age of 58, he had a major heart attack and dropped dead in front of his computer. We’ve been estranged for a long time. Not because of any major break or fight, just my wanting distance. He moved out West years ago and lives several thousand miles away, which makes it easier. At one point, the whole family, such as it is, had lost touch with him until my sister got a call that he was in a psychiatric hospital. After close to 30 years of self-medicating, he had a moment of clarity and stopped. Unfortunately, all the things he had been holding at bay with the drinking and drugs came crashing in on him. He was suicidal and his therapist told him either he took himself to inpatient care or he’d do it for him. After that he came back east for a couple of visits. Continue Reading

Categories: childhood sexual abuse (CSA), disassociation, Emotional regulation, feelings, forgiveness, healing, trauma