Why I Love the Boundary Ninja: Reason #456
In the middle of a difficult session dealing with my stubborn fears and lack of ability to retain a sense of our connection lately, we had this exchange:
BN: It took a long time to get here. (referring to my willingness to be vulnerable and share my feelings)
AG: See, right there, that’s it. I feel like it’s taking me way too long to get through this.
BN: I have no idea what that means. This is how long it’s taking.
Followed later by:
AG: How many times do I need to hear this?
BN: I don’t know, probably about 100,000.
AG: Well, at least I’ve made a good start then.
I am unspeakably grateful to that man (and hoping I can retain this feeling for a longer time span) both for his never ending patience and uncanny ability to hold still while I whirl like a dervish. This is confusing enough with him standing still. I know it’s not glamorous but I really think of him like a piling on a dock. Driven deep into the ground providing stability to hold the whole structure in place. Or, as I told a friend when talking about the session and how calm he is, it’s like sitting across from a thin Buddha. 🙂
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Wonderful!
I love the constancy and steadiness of mine, too, although on at any given session our may drive me nuts. He reminds me of a lighthouse – there through the storms, regardless of what’s coming at him; a light showing me a better, safer way. He’s only ever flinched once – a rare display of emotion on my behalf, which meant worlds to me, but in lighter moments, I get to see his smile which lights up his entire being. I wish so much that I gave him more cause to smile than what I imagine are inward grimaces, but then I suppose we’d be veering towards a “friendship” which I know can never be.
Thank you, AG, for the reminder of what a blessing T’s steadiness can be to
us.
Smiles,
Starry
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Thanks Starry, I really do understand that their steadfastness can sometimes be absolutely maddening. I have at times yelled at BN that I am not some specimen because I hate the detachment so much. But I know that his ability to remain so steady is so important to both my feeling safe and my healing. But I will confess that I have often fantasized about chucking a pillow at him, just to see him startled… 🙂
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I love these snippets of conversation. And I really love the BN’s sense of humor!!
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Thanks chewingtaffy, I really love his sense of humor also. Laughter is very important to me and actually one of my healthier defenses. I love that sometimes in the middle of the most serious stuff, we can really crack up. It helps. I’ll never forget one time, right in the middle of recounting a pretty horrific memory, we both realized that BN had poked a hole in his sock. We just both lost it. 🙂
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Gee, mine cringes when I recount some childhood events. It shows his compassion, but then I feel guilty for bringing such distressing stories into his insular world.
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