Home > boundaries, updates > Finally Back

Finally Back


Greetings gentle readers,

That hiatus was a twee bit longer than I anticipated. The end of the release kept stretching out without the hours getting any better (the upside is I earned a ton of comp time, for once I’ll have as many vacation days as my husband. :)) and no sooner was  I done, then my husband went into a refuel outage. As in, I finished up on Friday and he started overtime on Monday. So I took over all household duties from him and he took over 12 hour days/six days a week from me. I do not think either of us was thrilled about the trade. 😀 We’re having trouble remembering what “normal” looks like.

We also have a daughter that is graduating from college later this month and is currently apartment hunting in NYC. My experience with this has led me to believe that Dante left out one of the rings of hell. We are acting as guarantors for her apartment (just think of it as a rental co-signer) and let me tell you, the Department of Defense has NOTHING on a New York city real estate agent. I had to apply for a secret clearance for my first job out of college and I swear I had to give up less info. Things got very messy due to the potential roommate and eventually fell through but we spent a week or so scrambling for paperwork. And if I may speak as a proud mother for a moment, we were just incredibly impressed at how our daughter handled the whole thing, coordinating everyone, taking care of paperwork, budgeting and most importantly, being incredibly clear about her boundaries. She’s back to hunting for an apartment but we are very confident of her future endeavours based on what we seen the past two weeks.

Last but not least, I have just started going back to therapy regularly (yes, the hours were that bad. I fit in three sessions over a period of two and a half months. :)) because I finally feel ready to face the body issues. (To be clear: I say “ready to face”  in the same way someone goes to face the executioner. You have no choice, but try desperately to cling to some dignity. :)) My next post will be spent talking about what’s happening on that front.

Quick update on my mother, she never returned my phone calls even after I left a third phone message. That message made it clear that my door was open and that I loved her, but she was going to have to contact me, if and when, she felt ready. I did decide the one thing I would do is to mail a card on her birthday so that once a year I would be indicating the door was still open. Her birthday was at the end of April and I sent a card, which has also been totally ignored. (Side note: I want to start a card company that specializes in cards for family members if you hail from a not so functional family. One that sticks to the basics instead of paeans of praise. One upside of this situation, I will not have to spend an hour in the card store hunting for a Mother’s Day Card that I can send to my mother and still maintain my self-respect as a reasonably honest person.) I think the saddest part of this is how relieved I am to not be in touch. We’ll see what happens down the road.

Last, but not least, I am introducing a new feature on the blog: Ask AG. I do some of my best writing when interacting with people and answering people’s questions. It’s the one thing that I miss about being on a forum versus a blog. So I have dedicated a space to your questions and input on what you’d like to see on the blog. Please check it out when you get a chance and if you’re interested.

I have missed everyone and have missed being around the blogosphere, I am looking forward to getting caught up. I’ll try to make the gap between this and my next post much shorter. 😀

Categories: boundaries, updates
  1. May 4, 2013 at 10:56 pm

    Welcome back! I missed you!

    Like

    • May 4, 2013 at 10:59 pm

      I missed you too!!! Thanks Cat, but next time do you think you could respond a little quicker? LOL

      AG xxx

      Like

  2. May 4, 2013 at 11:03 pm

    I know… It was an eternity waiting to see if anyone was still out there, huh?

    Like

  3. Jenny
    May 4, 2013 at 11:29 pm

    Welcome back! I’m glad things are getting more reasonable around your house. And congratulations to your daughter!

    I know what you mean about picking out a card. With me, it’s my dad. It takes me forever to find a father’s day card that isn’t all schmaltzy and doesn’t make me cross my fingers when I sign it. I’m sorry your mother is being the way she is and I think being relieved about it is completely understandable. Who wouldn’t be relieved at no longer having to deal with someone so difficult?

    I’m glad you’re back. And I’m glad the gap won’t be as long next time!

    Like

    • May 4, 2013 at 11:34 pm

      Jenny,
      Thanks so much, I can’t say what it mean to have people welcome me back so warmly and swiftly. And yeah, you totally get the whole card thing. I was estranged from my father from the age of 11 until his death so I never went through it with him. The only person I have ever wanted to send a Father’s Day card to is BN (but have never been sure it would be appropriate). Sorry you understand, but it does feel less lonely knowing people understand.

      AG

      Like

  4. liz
    May 5, 2013 at 4:16 am

    Glad you’re back!
    I can’t wait to read your next post, I just decided to start going back to therapy regularly to face body issues – it always seems like we lead parallel (therapy) lives 🙂

    Like

    • May 5, 2013 at 5:29 pm

      Hi Liz,
      It’s good to be back. So sorry to hear you’re also facing body issues, definitely not my idea of a good time. OK, unless writhing in embarrassment for 50 mins at a time is your idea of a good time. Good to know I’m not alone though, I look forward to your feedback. AG

      Like

  5. May 5, 2013 at 4:17 am

    Glad you’re back! And Ask AG.. I love it! I also totally get the card thing. And good for you for being ready to face your body issues. I still won’t touch that stuff with a 10 (20, 50, 100) foot pole.

    Good luck!!

    Like

    • May 5, 2013 at 5:30 pm

      Thanks Kashley! Judging by the response, I might have to stop joking about that card company and actually start it. 🙂 And yeah, it only took me 27 years to face this. I started therapy all that time ago to try and deal with my weight problem. So trust me, glass house, no stones. AG

      Like

  6. GreenEyes
    May 5, 2013 at 5:00 am

    Yay, dear AG welcome back you have been missed! Look forward to hearing about and supporting you through the next phase of life and therapy. Hugs xxx 🙂

    Like

    • May 5, 2013 at 5:31 pm

      Hi Greeneyes! Thanks for the welcome back (this had been quite lovely to be so warmly greeted). Hugs, AG xxx

      Like

  7. May 5, 2013 at 9:39 am

    OK, I so want in on that card company – or at the very least, I want to order from it when you launch it! Excited to see Ask AG! xoxo

    Like

    • May 5, 2013 at 5:33 pm

      PD,
      Love to have you join me. BTW I never got back to comment but your guest post about your ED was actually what gave me the courage to go back to therapy and start grappling with body issues. Thank you so much for your openess. And thanks again for the idea for Ask AG. Here’s hoping I have some answers. 🙂 xxx AG

      Like

  8. Red Tomato
    May 5, 2013 at 12:00 pm

    Hi AG – Glad to finally see a post; I’ve been waiting! 😉 I would have liked to buy cards from your company many years ago. I always struggled with picking out a mother’s day card that wasn’t a lie. Over the years, however, my relationship with my mother changed. A little over a year ago she died rather unexpectedly. I wish I was buying her a good card this year.

    Like

    • May 5, 2013 at 5:36 pm

      Hi RT,
      Welcome to my blog, good to see you over here! I am very sorry for the loss of your mother. We all grieve when a parent dies, some for what we lost and some for what we never had. Part of what makes this scary with my mother is that she is 78. If she stays angry long enough, this may be it. I am very glad to hear that you were able to experience repair in the relationship. AG

      Like

  9. Ms. Sharkey
    May 5, 2013 at 2:14 pm

    Glad you’re back, and if you ever start that card company, I will contribute my copywriting skills in a heartbeat.

    Like

    • May 5, 2013 at 5:39 pm

      Hi Ms. Sharkey,
      Good to hear from you! I will keep you in mind as a copywriter, good ones are hard to come by! xx AG

      Like

  10. Little Blond Girl
    May 6, 2013 at 7:44 am

    Welcome back! Hopefully you are finding some semblance of normalcy…I too would love to order some of those cards you’re making. While you’re at it, maybe you could start a line of cards you could give your therapist!! I haven’t found any by Hallmark yet. I’ve given my T a father’s day card for the last few years and every year I end up making one.

    Like

    • May 6, 2013 at 10:22 pm

      LBG! Lovely to hear from you, thanks for the welcome back. I think Therapist appropriate cards would make a great addition to the product line. 🙂 I think we could call the cards “Less than Perfect.”

      xx AG

      Like

  11. Jill
    May 7, 2013 at 9:21 am

    I am knew here but Oh I so agree about the card complany! I hate spending hours searching for cards for Mother’s day and Father’s day. The last few years I’ve just made my own with a simple message.

    Like

    • May 8, 2013 at 10:38 pm

      Hi Jill,
      Welcome to my blog and thanks for commenting. Seems like a lot of us can relate to the card dilemma. 🙂 I really liked your solution of just making your own. Looking forward to getting to know you. ~AG

      Like

  12. George
    May 8, 2013 at 3:05 pm

    Hi, AG! Welcome back. It’s nice to see you back here in your space. 🙂 XO

    Like

    • May 8, 2013 at 10:40 pm

      George!! Awesome to hear from you. It is also very good to see people back here in my space. Hope you are keeping well ~ xx AG

      Like

  13. May 12, 2013 at 12:01 pm

    Happy Mother’s Day AG! I hope you have a nice day. Can’t Hallmark start a line for “it’s complicated” or “it’s a weird duck”?

    DBS

    Like

    • May 12, 2013 at 5:40 pm

      Hi DBS,
      Happy Mother’s Day to you too! I like both of those ideas. 😀 ~AG

      Like

  14. Jenny
    May 13, 2013 at 3:20 pm

    AG, I’ve been thinking more about your post and it helped me to bring up my own issues with food, weight, appearance with my therapist today. Hardest thing I’ve done to date. Hell, it was easier to tell him about my CSA than about all of that. I’m much more comfortable talking about what people did to me than about what I’ve done to myself. Thank you.

    Like

    • May 14, 2013 at 7:49 am

      Jenny,
      NOTHING makes me happier than to hear that someone has found strength to open up in therapy from what they read here. Thank you for taking the time to let me know. And you have my deep respect for your courage. I totally agree that CSA was easier to talk about. i think you put it perfectly when you said “I’m much more comfortable talking about what people did to me than about what I’ve done to myself.” I wish you the best in dealing with it. ~AG

      Like

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