Tales of a Boundary Ninja

Greetings Gentle Readers,

I want to wish everyone a Happy New Year and hope that the coming year is filled with peace, healing and self-discovery! I am presently on vacation and will have no internet access from January 4th – January 14th. I wanted to post a quick update. My husband is doing really well, the ablation seems to have really helped regulate his heart. We literally went to his cardiologist on the way out of town, who cleared him to go on vacation. I am very grateful that he is out of danger. The tail end of 2014 fit with the rest of the year as I was managing two different crises while on a five week break with BN (only three more weeks to go!) but true to his word, he was available so I was able to turn to him for support in the form of a phone call. Actually, very funny story. 🙂 I put in a call to his answering service which is how I contact him. He has a backup therapist when he is on vacation, but the backup usually only calls if BN doesn’t respond in a certain amount of time (or I’m on a special list, never quite been able to figure it out 🙂 ). So, while waiting for the call back on my cell phone, my house phone rings and the caller ID is showing the name of a therapist involved in one of the crises. I answer and while speaking to them, my cell phone rings. I tell them, I’m sorry, but I need to take this call but will call back in a few minutes. It’s BN’s backup T, who asks if I want to talk to him or talk to BN later? I was very comfortable talking to him about this particular issue, so I started to describe what was going on. Just as he was asking some questions to clarify the situation, I get another incoming call on my cell phone. I realize it’s BN calling me back. Not proud of this, but hey, I was having an attachment figure moment (who wants the babysitter when mom’s right there? 🙂 ), I told backup T that BN was on the other line and would it be ok if I hung up on him? He was very gracious. So I answered the call and BN and I spoke for around six minutes (which by my standards is a long call!). It was very helpful, both to know he was available but also because I felt like I had a good understanding of what was going on but needed some reassurance that I was handling things correctly. When we hung up, I then called the other therapist back and spent a rather intense 20 minutes dealing with that. I must confess that by the time I was done, I felt a bit dizzy. It also crossed my mind that speaking to three different therapists within a thirty minute span seemed a bit much even for me. So my strongest wish for 2015 is … boredom! Lots and lots of boredom! (As much as I joke, it was good as both situations were considerably improved when we left on our trip on the 31st which is making it a lot easier to enjoy vacation.)

I should be home on January 16th and returning to a “normal” schedule and hopefully blogging more consistently (I will not hold it against anyone who greets this statement with some skepticism. 🙂 ) BTW, can you do me a favor? If you have emailed me at my blog in the last few months and gave not heard back from me, could you email me again? I really am sorry about not being able to reply in a timely manner and have lost track of who still needs to hear from me. I want to assure anyone still awaiting a response, that it has everything to do with my lack of resources and nothing to do with your email. Thanks so much. For obvious reasons, I won’t start responding until after the 16th!

As the end of the year is often a time to reflect and look back, I thought I would post links to the top 10 most viewed posts on my blog according to my year end statistics. (OK, eleven for reasons posted below. Well, twelve, because I included my favorite post I’ve ever written because it didn’t quite make the top ten! It’s my blog, I’m going to cheat!). Thanks to all of you who have taken the time to read what I write, I am truly shocked and gratified that so many people find it worthwhile. And to those of you who comment, I cannot find the words to thank you enough for your support and encouragement. You keep me writing.

1. Disorganized Attachment or Why You Think You’re Crazy But Really Aren’t

2. Erotic Transference

3. Why your therapist SEEMS cruel, but really isn’t

4. Therapy isn’t enough Redux

5. My Core of Shame

6. One Among Many

7. You can come back now

8. Wanted, not needed, to go

9. Friendships with Ex-patients: Why I Say “No” (this is actually a re-blog post of an entry of Dr. Gerald Stein’s, to whom I owe my thanks for providing so much traffic. It’s also why I stretched to the top 11 posts, since this wasn’t really mine. Thank you Dr. Stein! If you haven’t read his blog, do. His posts are articulate, thoughtful and provide valuable insight from the other side of the couch.)

10. Anxiety Attack

11. Nothing Wrong All Along

I’m also including How do I fill the void? because this is, out of all my posts, my favorite. It felt like I was able to articulate something very important at the heart of the healing. I remember finishing it and feeling like I wouldn’t need to write anything else (I got over that obviously!) I hope other people find it helpful. I was absolutely thrilled that the wonderful Cheryl Fuller of Jung at Heart posted a link!

I also want to take this chance to thank Dr. Jeffrey Smith of Moments of Change and Ryan Howes of In Therapy as links on their blogs have driven a tremendous amount of traffic my way. One of my highlights of 2014, was actually getting to meet Ryan in a google chat room when we appeared together on a Huffpost Live broadcast!

He’s even more lovely in person.) And one last time, if you haven’t yet read Dr. Smith’s new book, How We Heal and Grow, waste not another moment! It’s one of the best books I’ve ever read on healing.

See you at the end of the month. Please take good care of yourselves in the meantime!