Tales of a Boundary Ninja

Thank you all for the comments on my last post, the The Ache of Longing and Loss. I have read all of them and so appreciate the thoughtful feedback and outpouring of support. But once again, my life is interfering with my ability to respond.

He is doing fine now, but my husband is in the hospital. He was not feeling well yesterday and we ended up going to his cardiologist (whom I adore and deeply trust). He took one look at his EKG and sent us off to the hospital. My husband has a history of arrhythmia and atrial fibrillation and looked to be having an episode. Since my husband was slightly over the 24 hour mark, which is when your chance of forming a blood clot goes way up, he wanted to do a cardio revert right away. Turned out my husband needed an internal echocardiogram first to ensure that no clots had already formed. Not sure how he pulled it off but my cardiologist managed to pull some strings (he teaches at this hospital and is very well respected) and we went straight into the lab. When the echo came back clear, then decided to perform the cardio revert right away since he was already sedated. His heart reverted to normal rhythm and his blood pressure and pulse rate decreased back down to normal levels. He was admitted to the Cardiovascular Care Unit for observation overnight. The doctor on call at the hospital came in to talk to us this morning and said that this episode was actually a heart flutter rather than afib, and recommended that my husband have an ablation on Monday which hopefully will prevent the flutter from happening again. His cardiologist agreed with the treatment so we decided to go ahead. It’s normally a two hour out patient procedure so it’s not too invasive and the risk is lower for this type of ablation then the one done for afib. SO… my husband is doing well and is getting excellent care.

In general I am holding up well, especially when I’m around people, but must confess to feeling a bit drained. Because of Monday’s session some of my more childlike feelings are floating closer to the surface and at times I just want to collapse in a heap and have someone take care of me, instead of being calm and strong for my husband and children. And then I feel guilty, because, after all, he’s the one having heart problems and sitting in a hospital bed. So its a struggle making sure I am taking care of myself while trying to make sure my husband is taken care of and manage the feelings of being overwhelmed coming from memories of what it was like as a child. I did call BN last night and it helped to connect to him. Now if I could just convince him to follow me around for a few days… 😀

Be back when I can! (I really need to write a macro for that phrase!)