This is the second post in a two-part series on Grief and Abandonment, see Coping with Grief and Abandonment Part I.
I’m sure it will not surprise any regular reader of this blog to realize that BN was a huge part of how I coped, even between appointments. BN has a very generous contact policy, I am allowed to call him 24/7 including when he is on vacation. If I leave an emergency message with his service, he calls back within an hour. If he is on vacation and doesn’t answer the service in a certain amount f time, his backup (a wonderful, warm, empathic man) calls back, but always offers to have BN also call; it’s just a longer wait than usual. (I have higher standards for contacting him when he is on vacation but have done it. Earliest I have ever called is 8 AM and the latest is 10:30 PM although BN has made it clear that 2 in the morning is ok if I need). We very rarely do any processing during phone calls but when the grief threatened to overwhelm me, or the fears that BN would also abandon me, would rise up, then a short phone call would help to ground and reconnect me. Most of mine are under three minutes and it’s not unusual to keep it under one minute. BN once referred to my “patented one minute phone calls” when I was worried about calling too much. Often it wasn’t what he said but just the sound of his voice and experiencing that he was there that would do the trick. Continue Reading
GE asked the question below on the Ask AG page:
im wondering if you are wiling to share some of the strategies you used to cope with grief and abandonment feelings when things got rough during your recovery.
As I said in reply over there, this is an excellent question. Since I see grieving our losses as being at the heart of our healing, we should probably learn how to grieve, right? I have been grieving, one way or another, for a large part of my time in therapy, so this might turn out to be a bit of a laundry list, but I am hoping that everyone might find something that they can use in their own journey. Continue Reading
I am seriously behind in both my correspondence and in posting replies to questions from the Ask AG page. We just returned from a four-day trip to see my older daughter’s graduation (which was the 3rd 10 hour round trip I have made in 18 days). The graduation was wonderful but quite busy. The trip was also complicated in that my husband accidentally sideswiped a bike messenger in Manhattan the day we arrived. We immediately stopped and got out to assist him and he was, thank heaven, fine aside from a limp. We called 911 and they sent an ambulance. The police officer who took our report was very calm and assuring but as you can imagine it was pretty stressful, not to mention we now have a huge pile of paperwork and insurance hassle ahead of us. Continue Reading